What has never happened since he was first diagnosed was to treat him differently. Although there are certain things he can’t do (for example, going out alone), other day-to-day responsibilities (like making tea…and he brew’s up a LOT) we let him get on with. I think it’s important to let anybody who may not be as capable as we are, to retain as much independence as possible. Never give up on life! I think it’s something many nursing homes should consider - putting people in a chair in front of a television is not caring for them!
I think it’s also important to keep the mind as active as possible, which should be true for anyone (use it or loose it as the phrase goes). Even though his short-term memory isn’t very good, much of his long-term is! I was brought up in a house filled with music (radio’s on in EVERY room…dad’s fault), and his knowledge for music (lyrics etc) is still spot on. We find things he has a good recollection (music, past family holidays) of and talk about that. We’ve also found travelling keeps his mind active, so on my weekend visits home we often jump in the car and go for a drive. A weekend break to The Lake District recently also gave my mum a break from being trapped in the house! Even though he thought he was in Scotland, Wales or the Isle of Mann a few times…we didn’t half get around that weekend!
Possibly the hardest thing mum and I have had to deal with is answering awkward questions. During his ‘bad days’ (as mum calls them), he gets very confused about his surroundings! Even though they’ve lived in the same house for 20 years, he sometimes asks “to go home”. I find responding with a non-specific answer (for example “we’re staying here”) appeases him with out too much confusion.
Sometimes it’s tough and there are tears, but there’s also laughter! You have to keep smiling and sometimes (sensitively) see the funny side in some things! He asked me last week if I was still doing the breakfast show on Radio 1 - I did correct him on that one, “I’m NOT Chris Moyles”. He laughed!!!
I am really glad that you have updated your blog mate. Do you find it helps to get your feelings/thoughts out into the open? I agree 110% regarding the comments of care homes putting people in front of the television and leaving them there, I have 2 very close friends who work in a care home and they make it there mission to take the residents (where possible)out and about, but alas I feel they are in the minority. I can only empathise as to what you and your Mum are having to deal with as by the time my Nan was diagnosed with Alzheimer's she never had much time left (due to other health issues)but I always try and look for good things in every bad (seems like you do to regarding your comments to your Dad, about being Chris Moyles etc) Stay possitive your a very brave man for doing this and I for one applaud you and send my love to you, your Mum and your Dad.
ReplyDeleteWell done on writing your blog Andy!!! Alzheimer's is something incredibly difficult to describe to those who haven't 'encountered' it first hand. There might be some bad times but there will always be the good times as well like when you go on holiday and all the memories you have as well.
ReplyDeleteI have a lot of admiration for both you and your mom who have tried to avoid the care home path. It's not an easy decision but sometimes you do need a bit of time to yourself.
I remember when we had place my nan into full-time care. Horrible experience but in the end it was what was best for everyone.
Don't ever get thinking your alone - you've got your family, friends (and housemate) who are always round if you need to chat or blow off steam :)
Well put - seems that you concur with what I've heard several times: avoid giving upsetting answers.
ReplyDeleteIt makes so much sense, but I wonder how many sufferers are being upset every day because there are people who don't 'get' that.
Andy my love to you and your family it must be so hard for you, as for nursing homes and putting them in chair in front of tv isn't caring I totally agree with you've, I used to work on few nursing homes , even though they had activities it was only for a couple hours a day maybe 2-3 a week
ReplyDeleteThings in homes have got worse as there's too much paper work incare plans that have to be filledi in and managers moan its not done and yet moan your not spending enough time with residents, I hate paperwork and would try and spend as much time as could chatting with residents , one little old lady used to go and sit by doors and watching outside world go by staff would always be saying go back in lounge for her only to come back few mins later, I asked if she liked sitting there yes she said I used to live by a park and school she said and love watching all children play and watching world go by, it always out a smile on her face sitting there once all children had gone past shed go and sit back in lounge , she was then "allowed" to sit by door every day
Managers etc say "it's their home" and should be allowed to do what they want but then staff come alone and stop them
I miss working with elderly with dementia you can have interesting conversations if only people will take time to sit and listen you can learn slot about their past life and what makes them tick their completely different person if only your allowed to sit and listen
Sorry for babbling on lol your doing great job with your dad and hope your walk wall china goes well xx